Think about the moment you woke up this morning, still lying in bed. What was your first thought? Were you happy to live another day? Or did you immediately have the Monday blues?

Today I want to talk about one of my very favorite topics to discuss, and that’s about our ability to be happy.  More specifically, it’s the idea that we have complete control over not only our emotions but our happiness.

That’s right! It’s about to get a little woo-woo on the blog, today. And actually, let me rephrase that, because ‘happy’ is actually circumstantial, and what I’m referencing has no dependency to our situations and circumstances. A better word might be contentedness.

As we all know, not everyone walks around happy. Some people walk around unhappy and grumpy – I’m sure you know the type:

 –This person thinks the world owes them something. They tend to complain just about everything, and always have something to gripe about. Small, petty things become big huge deals quickly.

I’m guessing you can think of at least one person you know who fits this description. We all have one of those negative Nancy’s in our life – or have at some point.

(I need this sign in my life!)

It resonates with me because I used to have some of those very characteristics. I haven’t always been the positive, optimistic person that I am now. Today, I find that I don’t overanalyze situations, and I’m better at not letting negative circumstances bring me down. Of course I‘m still working at it, but more and more I think life is pretty damn good for the most part.

And it’s not because I haven’t had any hardships. Believe me – there have been plenty. But after several life lessons – and several great books (if you haven’t read Byron Katie or Eckhart Tolle’s books, do yourself a favor and check them out immediately) I’ve learned that my happiness isn’t circumstantial. It’s a choice.

The fact that our happiness/contentedness in life is a choice could be an entire blog series in itself, so I won’t get too much into that. What I do want to discuss today are the top things that work for me (and hear what works for you in the comments!) For me, it boils down to getting my mind right.

Now, I don’t even for one second want to act as if I’m an expert on this topic. I just want to share what’s worked for me – someone who’s worrisome and somewhat pessimistic by nature, but now has a pretty damn good outlook on life, if I do say so myself.

[Tweet “5 Ways to Choose Happy – via @TrainerPaige”]

5 Ways to Choose Happy

1. Ask Yourself: What’s the point?

If I ever find myself angry at someone or some situation, or harboring hurt from someone or something that did me wrong, I simply ask myself “What the purpose of my anger/embarrassment/etc?”

It’s actually a really hard question to answer. I can always pinpoint the reason, but coming up with a legitimate purpose for my anger is much more difficult. Am I mad because it makes the situation better? Gets back at the person who angered me? Of course not! It simply makes me a more stressed individual, which is the opposite of what I want to be.

2. Don’t Always Believe Your Thoughts

Have you ever had an argument with someone over something that hasn’t even happened yet – completely in your mind? Now, before you right me off as crazy, let me give you an example.

Last week I had a company charge me double for a yearly service. I immediately came up with a scenario that they were trying to scheme me. I thought about making the phone call to them, telling them my story, and even going so far as to imagine myself telling them I would switch providers if I needed! … and I hadn’t even made the phone call yet.

Any time I’m experiencing a negative emotion, whether it’s fear, anger, greed, shame, what have you, I try and stop as soon as I realize I’m doing this, and I physically tell myself this:

This is just a story.

It’s just a made up story that my thoughts are telling me, and doesn’t reflect reality whatsoever. The reality of the situation is that I was charged twice as much as I was last year for a service. It’s not that they’re scheming me. It’s not that they’re out to get me. And it’s not that they’ll be complicated to work with <— that’s all on me; that was my story.

3. Realize you’re Fighting with Reality (and will never win.)

Ahh, one of my favorite Byron Katie-isms. Basically, this is another way to look at way #1. Super angry at the mother f)*#@$r who cut in front of you in traffic? You’re fighting with reality. The reality is that he cut you off – why fight it? Your job isn’t to “set him straight.”

Having resistance to what’s going on in your life that you have no power over is fighting with reality. And that’s a fight that you always lose, but only 100% of the time.

4. Realize that Others’ Actions and Reactions have Nothing to do with You.

I sometimes catch myself on both sides of this one. Whether people realize it or not, any time someone judges you, they’re really judging themselves.

Anyone’s reactions, actions, or judgements toward you have essentially nothing to do with you, and everything to do with their past experiences, fears, and perceptions.

And on another note, what does it even matter? Unless this person is your boss, if anyone else has a problem with you, your personality, your actions, or your choices is just that – their problem.

5. Be Honest with Yourself and Others

Honestly, (ha) this one is just a good rule of thumb I use to keep me out of trouble. Now, it’s important not to use this as an excuse to judge someone harshly and say, “I’m just being honest!” 

To me, being honest is being 100% me, without any apologies. I try to do this whether I’m completely alone or with a huge group of people. As long as I’m being true to myself, I know I’m attracting the right people and situations. To me, being fake, or going along with something that I don’t fully believe in is setting me back, while being honest with myself is a sure way to get where I’m supposed to be going in life.